venus的親子部落格

媽媽：｢你這是在畫什麼故事？｣

芃：｢這是伊朗的一個法院判決案例，說有個少女受性欺辱反抗後被判刑，因為伊朗的法院認為如果只依賴女性的證詞是不夠的，她媽到處奔走想解決此事，最後失敗，她就被判死刑，她寫了一封信給她媽說她是被判刑的當天才知道會被處決，問她媽怎不早告訴她，不過她不害怕，生命的終結不是死亡，她死了之後一定會還她清白之類的事。而『生命的終結不是死亡』這句話，我想跟神話中的死亡觀有關，死了又活了，妳看山海經中女娃死了變成精衛鳥，然後精衛鳥撿石頭跟木頭去填海，這不就是轉化的生命觀｣

媽媽：｢…旁邊那是寫什麼？｣

芃芃：｢神靈所生其物異形｣

媽媽：｢白話一點｣

芃芃：｢神靈所生其物異形，這句話出自山海經裡的海外南經，是說神靈所生的都是奇形怪狀｣

媽媽：｢那為什麼你畫這伊朗的少女案例，怎麼說著說著就跟山海經扯上關係勒？｣

芃芃：｢我文章裡面都有偷朱換柱﹑百億縣長，這些都是我所立現實中的帝物…或妖或獸，為有聖人能通其道｣

媽媽：｢喔～聖人…聖賢之人…嗎？｣

芃芃：｢一般都會這麼認為，可是有可能不是這樣…｣

媽媽：｢那不然是哪樣？｣

芃芃：｢…就是the great one，你看我文章中『帝』掌握了對於現實秩序有高度影響力的特質，這是帝擁有的屬性，所以說現實中有誰可以符合這個定義？毛高文算是吧？｣

媽媽：｢他是誰？你的評論標準在哪裡？｣

芃芃：｢蔣經國的表叔，他是蔣家的人，蔣經國的表叔不算嗎？蔣經國都死了他還活著，他不是比蔣經國還厲害嗎？更厲害的是他還不會曝光…而我找到他了呀！我追出來了，我本來是寫王德威，可是我在查資料時找到更精確的人物，這個「蔣經國際學術交流基金會」我們上課還有提到勒，要跟它申請補助還要用英文寫申請勒，只是老師說這基金會應該不單純…｣

｢生命的結束不是死亡｣～芃芃並沒有要傳達佛教上輪迴轉世或善惡不明的警世語，而是記錄了這樣的事情，就像媽媽突然閃過在洗頭時，偶而在雜誌上看到一篇介紹日本某知名情色攝影師荒木經惟，上面提到這個攝影師早年作品當時被視為傷風敗俗的照片，現在卻成了另一種時代紀錄。他說：「有生就有死，有死就有生，這不是命題，而是活著的問題。活著其實就是只有記憶。」，還有評論寫道：「他的攝影，不是只有私、只有性。在這些私與性的背後，我們可以感到生、死，無常。」﹔這麼深奧媽媽是怎麼也看不懂的，或許芃芃也是透過論述來表達一種他的現實主義性，當然這是無法如此類比，如同他的文學作品封面以｢論神話與現實在作品中的異形性｣來當做註釋，他就稱為是算一般人最簡單的理解。

PS：伊朗一名26歲女子賈巴里(Reyhaneh Jabbari)在19歲時前往死者薩爾邦迪(Sarbandi)的公司進行室內，想不到薩巴迪竟意圖迷姦她，賈巴迪使用小刀抵抗，造成薩巴迪失血過多死亡。伊朗當局不顧國際人權組織的反對，將她判處絞刑。

http://www.storm.mg/lifestyle/73455

賈巴里給媽媽的信全文～

「親愛的媽媽，我今天才知道我即將被處決。我覺得很難過，妳為什麼不敢讓我知道我的生命將走到盡頭，妳不覺得我應該知道嗎?；我感到很羞愧，讓妳如此難過。妳可不可以代替我再親一親妳和爸爸的手?

我在這個世上活了19年。早在那個不祥的夜晚我就該死去。屍體被丟棄到城市裏某個角落，過了幾天警察會發現我，並叫妳來警察局認屍，妳還會知道我被侵犯了。但那個殺人犯永遠都會逍遙法外，因為我們我們不像他一般有權有勢。接著妳會帶著痛苦和羞辱繼續生活，幾年後因為這些痛苦而死去。

但就像遭到詛咒似的，我的故事不同於其他人。我沒有被棄屍荒野，而是進了守衛森嚴的監獄。我毫無怨尤的接受命運的安排，因為死亡並不是生命的終結。

從小妳告訴我所有人來到這個世界上都是為了學習各式各樣的經驗、每個人都有天生肩負的責任。我學到了有時候妳必須要懂得反擊。我記得妳告訴我尼采和馬車伕的故事，尼采想要阻止馬車伕繼續鞭打馬，但卻被馬車伕打的遍體鱗傷。這個故事告訴我有有些原則即使面對死亡也要堅守。

我上學時，妳教導我面對爭執和抱怨要像個淑女，妳記得妳有多注重我們的行為嗎？但我想告訴妳，妳錯了。當事情發生，這些好教養對我沒有任何幫助。我的冷靜讓我在法庭上看起來像個冷血無情的殺人犯。我沒有哭、沒有苦苦哀求，因為我相信法律會還我公道。

但我卻因為對犯行毫無悔意而被判刑。妳知道的，我連蚊子都不敢殺，連蟑螂我都只是拎著觸鬚把牠移開，但現在我卻成了一個犯下蓄意謀殺罪的犯人。我對待動物的行為被法官認為我像個男孩，即便我留著美麗、畫著指甲油的長指甲。

那些希望法官能夠公正判決的人該有多樂觀呀！法官甚至沒有發現我的手不像那些女運動選手般佈滿厚繭。在這個妳教導我熱愛的國家卻從不想要我存在，當我在那些拷問下痛哭失聲時沒有一個人支持我，耳邊傳來最不堪入耳的辱罵。當我終於拋下我僅存的一絲美麗：剃掉我的頭髮時，我終於換來一些獎賞－－11天的單獨監禁。

親愛的媽媽，請不要為妳聽到的這些內容哭泣。第一天在警局一位未婚的老警察因為我的指甲而傷害我時，我知道了，在這個年代沒有人追求美麗。不管是美麗的外表、聰慧的思想、優美的字跡、卓越的看法，甚至是美麗的聲音。

親愛的媽媽，我的想法已然改變，但這不是妳的責任。我把這段錄音交給某個人，這樣當我在妳毫不知情的狀況下被悄悄處決時，妳才能收到這些消息。我留了很多我寫下的東西給妳。

在我死前我希望妳幫我做一些事，希望妳盡所能幫我完成。其實這是我對於這個世界、這個國家和妳唯一的願望。妳可能需要一些時間完成這件事，所以我先告訴妳我一部份的遺願。請不要哭，聽我說。我希望妳到法庭，告訴他們我的請求。我無法在獄中寫信告訴妳內容，因為需要獄監同意，這樣一來你又會因為我而難過。這些要求可能需要妳去四處拜託別人才能完成，但我還是希望妳盡量為我完成，雖然我之前告訴妳不要為了赦免我的死刑而對別人苦苦哀求。

我親愛的媽媽，比我的生命還要珍貴的人，我不想在泥土裡腐朽，我不想要我的眼睛、年輕的心化為塵土。希望在我被處死後我的心臟、腎、眼睛、骨頭，還有任何可以捐贈的器官都能夠盡快移植給需要的人。我不想要受贈者知道我的名字，也不需要他們的花束，也不必為我祈禱。

我真心希望不要把我葬在墓中，因為這樣妳又要再為我痛苦難過，妳不用為我穿上黑色喪衣。希望妳忘記我所有的苦痛，就讓我隨風而去。

這個世界不愛我們，也不願為我承擔命運的苦痛。我屈服了，靜靜擁抱死亡的到來。因為在神的法庭上，我會控訴那些檢察官、法官，控訴那些當我不願屈服於羞辱時狠狠打擊我的法官們。

在造物主面前我會對那些出於無知或說謊惡意陷害我、踐踏我的權利、不在意事實真相的人們提出控訴。

親愛的媽媽，在另一個世界，我們終於能夠控訴那些不公，看看神會怎麼判決吧。在我死前，讓我再抱一抱妳。我愛妳。」

英文翻譯：

Dear Sholeh, today I learned that it is now my turn to face Qisas (the Iranian regime's law of retribution). I am hurt as to why you did not let me know yourself that I have reached the last page in the book of my life. Don’t you think that I should know? You know how ashamed I am that you are sad. Why did you not take the chance for me to kiss your hand and that of dad?

The world allowed me to live for 19 years. That ominous night I should have been killed. My body would have been dumped in some corner of the city, and after a few days, the police would have taken you to the coroner’s office to identify my body and there you would also learn that I had been raped as well. The murderer would have never been found since we don’t have their wealth and their power. Then you would have continued your life suffering and ashamed, and a few years later you would have died of this suffering and that would have been that.

However, with that cursed blow the story changed. My body was not thrown aside, but rather into the grave of Evin Prison and its solitary wards, and now the grave-like prison of Shahr-e Ray. But give in to the fate and don’t complain. You know better that death is not the end of life.

You taught me that one comes to this world to gain an experience and to learn a lesson and with each birth a responsibility is put on one’s shoulder. I learned that sometimes one has to fight. I remember when you told me a story from Nietzsche, the philosopher, about when he protested to a carriage man who was flogging his horse, but the flogger hit the lash on his head and face … (not audible) and he taught us that for creating a value one should persevere even if one dies.

You taught us that as we go to school one should be a lady when faced with quarrels and complaints. Do you remember how much you emphasized the way we behave? Your experience was incorrect. When this incident happened, my teachings did not help me. Being calm in court made me look like a cold-blooded murderer and a ruthless criminal. I shed no tears. I did not beg. I did not cry my eyes out since I trusted the law.

But I was charged with being indifferent in face of a crime. You see, I didn’t even kill mosquitoes and I threw cockroaches away by taking them by their antennae. Now I have become a premeditated murderer. My treatment of the animals was interpreted as being inclined to be a boy and the judge didn’t even trouble himself to look at the fact that, at the time of the incident, I had long and polished nails.

How optimistic was he who expected justice from the judges! He never questioned the fact that my hands are not coarse like those of a sportswoman, especially a boxer. And this country that you planted its love in me never wanted me and no one supported me when, under the blows of the interrogator, I was crying out and I was hearing the most vulgar terms. When I shed the last sign of beauty from myself by shaving my hair I was rewarded: 11 days in solitary.

Dear Sholeh, don’t cry for what you are hearing. On the first day in the police office when an old unmarried agent hurt me for my nails I understood that beauty is not looked for in this era. The beauty of looks, beauty of thoughts and wishes, a beautiful handwriting, beauty of the eyes and vision, and even beauty of a nice voice.

My dear mother, my ideology has changed and you are not responsible for it. My words are unending and I gave it all to someone so that when I am executed without your presence and knowledge, it would be given to you. I left you much handwritten material as my heritage.

However, before my death I want something from you that you have to provide for me - with all your might and in any way that you can. In fact, this is the only thing I want from this world, this country and you. I know you need time for this. Therefore, I am telling you part of my will sooner. Please don’t cry and listen. I want you to go to the court and tell them my request. I cannot write such a letter from inside prison for it would not be approved by the head of the prison; so once again you have to suffer because of me. It is the only thing that, even if you beg for it, I would not become upset although I have told you many times not to beg to save me from being executed.

My kind mother, dear Sholeh, the one more dear to me than my life, I don’t want to rot under the soil. I don’t want my eye or my young heart to turn into dust. Beg so that it is arranged that as soon as I am hanged my heart, kidney, eye, bones and anything that can be transplanted be taken away from my body and given to someone who needs them as a gift. I don’t want the recipient know my name. Buy me a bouquet, or even pray for me. I am telling you from the bottom of my heart that I don’t want to have a grave for you to come and mourn there and suffer. I don’t want you to wear black clothing for me. Do your best to forget my difficult days. Give me to the wind to take away.

The world did not love us. It did not want my fate. And now I am giving in to it and embracing death. Because in the court of God I will charge the inspectors, I will charge inspector Shamlou, I will charge the judge, and the judges of the country’s Supreme Court that beat me when I was awake and who did not refrain from harassing me. In the court of the creator I will charge Dr. Farvandi, I will charge Qassem Shabani and all those who, out of ignorance or with their lies, wronged me and trampled on my rights and didn’t pay heed to the fact that sometimes what appears as reality is different from it.

Dear soft-hearted Sholeh, in the other world, it is you and me who are the accusers and others who are the accused. Let’s see what God wants. I wanted to embrace you until I die. I love you.

Reyhaneh,

April 1, 2014